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My Orgasmic Cheesecake recipe, with a tipsy twist (we are ignoring the fact that the alcohol cooks out, ok?! Besides, the batter is delectable drizzled over ice cream :D). The “plain” cheesecake recipe is the best I’ve ever had, including several commercial brands. You can add any alcohol you like, and any additional flavorings like extra vanilla or coffee powder. I’ve used Oreos, even, and had it turn out delicious. They can be frozen, if desired, but they won’t last long if you leave them out. Like, maybe a day, 2 at the most. There have been duels over who gets the last slice. It is ok warm out of the oven, but best if cooled for at least 4 hours, preferably overnight.

Marie Callendar, eat your pastry-filled heart out.

Ingredients shall be followed by the appropriate directions. Feel free to pick it up wherever you like.

Preheat to 325~350 degrees Fahrenheit.

The Crust

Whichever pan you choose, you need a larger pan it can sit in that can hold enough water to go up halfway of the cheesecake pan’s sides. If you are using a New York style pan, with the plate in the bottom and the ring around the side, you will need to wrap the outside carefully in tinfoil to make it waterproof. Otherwise water will seep in and destroy your hard work.

Choice #1- storebought graham cracker crusts: If you use this method, make sure the pan they come in doesn’t have the pinpricks in the bottom. You cook this one in a water bath and pinpricks= soggy crust unworthy of Kahlua cheesecake.

Choice #2- homemade cookie crust: What you lose in time, you gain in flexibility. You can use any cookie (though try to aim for simple cookies, maybe flavored with vanilla. Anything more can clash with the cake) and put it in any container (i.e. mini cheesecakes to 4 in. thick casseroles [toasty on top, but delicious]). You’re all big people now, so I leave the choice of crust material and construction to you. Just make sure to pre-cook the shell before filling it.

The Filling

Cream Cheese and Eggs– Ok, here’s the trick. Everything else in this recipe depends on how you balance the eggs and cream cheese. The rule is one whole egg to every 8 ounces of cream cheese. 16 ounces of cream cheese (plus all the rest of the ingredients) gives roughly enough batter for an inch tall 9 inch pie tin. So, for a single pie tin, you’d need 16 ounces of cream cheese and 2 eggs. Simple, yes?

Mocha powder or instant coffee powder– Enough to lightly flavor the cream cheese. It reinforces the Kahlua. If you have the big crystals, crush 2 or 3 teaspoons worth of it to powder.

Sugar– You can play with this, but a good start point is about a 1/4 cup per 8 ounces of cream cheese. Working off our single pie tin model, we would need half a cup. The final amount can vary, depending on if you used a sweet mocha powder or more Kahlua. The first version of this recipe was made with homebrew Kahlua and didn’t need as much sugar due to the syrup in the booze.

A standing mixer works beautifully for this, but it can be done with a handheld mixer or just  by hand. Take your bowl and put in your cream cheese (it can mix easier sometimes if you chunk it up first) and the coffee powder and mix. A lot. The smoother and less lumpy it is now, the better you will like it later. I usually set the standing mixer up and walk off for a few minutes. Once the mocha powder is well blended, add the sugar and blend again, until well mixed. If you taste it at this stage, you have made sweet coffee cream cheese spread (the coffee powder will turn it slightly tan). Congratulations. Now, add the eggs. The mixture will loosen and turn a little yellow, depending on how good your eggs are.

Vanilla– A splash or two is good. If you want to be technical, figure a 1/2 teaspoon per 8 ounces (which would make 1 teaspoon for our metaphorical pan). If you like more, add more. If you aren’t adding Kahlua, add a touch more for flavor. If you have it, use the good stuff- Tahitian bourbon-distilled is used here. At the very least, use the real extract instead of imitation.

Kahlua– I have never measured the amount of Kahlua I put in mine. Start out slow and add a bit at a time. If you can taste the burn of the alcohol in the mix, don’t put any more in. If you do not have Kahlua, any coffee-based alcohol can be used. Figure, oh, a 1/4 cup per 8 ounces and go from there

Add the vanilla and the Kahlua. Mix well and give it a taste. Now is the time to add a bit more sugar or flavorings. Be careful though. People with spoons can circle this stuff like sharks in a pool full of chopped up bait. If you’re happy with the taste, proceed.

Heavy cream and sour cream– The amount needed may not be much, but they really help with the texture to get that ultimate creamy feeling. 2 to 3 tablespoons of heavy cream should suffice for 16 ounces of cream cheese, and a nice heaping tablespoonful of sour cream should do for the same measure.

Add the two creams and mix until it is smooth. Take the bowl of batter and using a spatula or spoon, carefully give it a few scrapes and stirs. This helps get rid of bubbles that will rise to the surface when cooking and mar the finished cake.

Pour the batter into the prepared shells (don’t overfill, the batter puffs when cooking). Put the big pan (with no water in it) in the preheated oven. Put your cheesecake in next, then carefully fill the pan with lukewarm tap water until the water level comes halfway up the side of the cheesecake pan. Shut the door and wait. (This water bath prevents cracking and drying out while speeding up the cooking time.)

It normally takes about a hour before its done. Check it about 15 minutes before the end and make sure. If it is done, there should be no jiggle in the middle, it should be a golden cream color, and when gently tapped it should not stick to the finger, nor squish. To me it feels like tapping a dry mushroom cap. The batter will puff while cooking, and fall when it cools, but not in the drastic way sometimes experienced with lesser recipes.

Once the cake has cooked, take it out, hot water bath and all, and set it somewhere heatproof to cool (a towel on top of a washing machine works admirably). Once the water is at a temperature you can stand, gently lift out the cheesecake and put it on another towel to finish cooling. The waterbath provides residual cooking of the middle without toasting the top when outside of the oven. The cake needs to cool to room temperature before you put it in the fridge. Serve chilled with caramel sauce, Kahlua ‘n cream, or anything else your heart desires.

If you omit the coffee powder and Kahlua, you have the base cheesecake recipe of the Gods. Put what you like in it- Ive tried Oreos and cocoa powder with good results. It can be frozen (though it rarely makes it 2 days past creation before someone eats it). Leftover batter is delectable drizzled over ice cream (as long as you trust your eggs. Add more booze, if you like, to kill any bugs) or mixed with brownie dough to make cheesecake brownies (which turn out more like Better Than Jizz OMFG Lava Cake, but I may be slightly biased).

Any questions, comments, or problems, comment and I shall endeavor to answer.

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